The Power of You!

 "I try to avoid power trips; I find they frequently take me places where I hadn't intended to go."

I never forgot this statement from my own mother; she retired from years of service at the Cincinnati Post/Enquirer. Surely there were times in her job when it would have been easy to gain power over others. Yet she scrupulously and accurately reported the news without judgment.

Why do humans seek power? What kinds of power are important to us? Is it power over another person; power over the outcome of a situation? What drives the human spirit to desire to have power over others? Feeling powerless in their lives is the motivating force behind this attraction. Yet, the more efforts we expend to gaining power over others the more powerless we become as individuals.

When we have a need to conquer another person, we immediately assume the responsibility and the liability of the outcome of those actions. To do so require the perpetrators to include an unspoken statement that says, "I am more important, smarter, better at handling things and I know best!" And presto; your proclamation includes the responsibility and the liability.

The personality that craves power over others is frequently manipulative and overly controlling as well.

Children who grow up feeling powerless over their own situation, many times caused by addictions like drug and alcohol in the home, are far more likely to fall into these personality profiles. Mental illness and emotional disturbances also trigger these responses in humans.

What is the healthy response for others to assume when we encounter a person afflicted with these traits?

1) Be willing to recognize the traits, even if they surface in someone you really love.

2) Decide how much you are willing to invest in any kind of relationship where these traits may have the opportunity to control your own life. (Unless this is a parent, sibling or child the best answer is probably none at all. Even then, you will have to make a decision.)

3) Talking about it rarely makes a difference. The best action is seeking counseling alone and together; the results are varied and don't have a great success rate for real change.

4) Unless this is a workplace issue where you had no real way of knowing you would encounter this, you bear some responsibility for why you attracted this into your life. Take a long and honest look at why that is happening. Are you wearing a victim armband? One that says, "I don't mind being abused and controlled?" If you pay close attention you will notice that controlling people always find friends and partners who will allow them to be in control. They may have issues, but they are not unintelligent. They avoid strong people like the plague.

5) Be strong enough to win the game with your shoes on; by walking out and refusing to be hooked back into the game of control... someone else's, over you and your right of free choice.

Having done that, try to avoid power trips; you may find they will take you someplace you weren't planning to go!